https://cosmostanka.blogspot.com/2024/07/poetcrit-july-december-2024-translation.html
―Translation
to the Japanese Fixed-Form Poetry:
All the way to "The
SILENCE: A WHITE DISTRUST/ 白濁" ( 2021) ―
All Rights Reserved ©2024 Rika Inami
I started
translating English tanka and English haiku into Japanese in earnest, other
than my own work, when Prof. Ram Krishna Singh, a leading
contemporary poet in India, asked me to do so.
First, in
the summer of 2018, Mr. Hidenori Hiruta, Chief Director of the Akita
International Haiku Network, asked me to translate 20 pieces of tanka poetry by
Prof. Singh, which I accepted.
In those
days, my translation from English tanka to Japanese tanka was not proficient,
and while I would have loved to translate them into Japanese fixed-form tanka
if I could have, I was not able to achieve that goal.
Prof. Singh's
tanka poems were nonetheless popular with readers.
His poems
are filled with humanity itself.
I think
that we humans are more spiritual, in other words, more conscious creatures
than any other creatures on this planet. This spirituality evokes worship and
longing for something greater than ourselves, in other words, for God, for
Mother Nature. At the same time, humans also have a physical body, a
nature-derived physical form that is also an uncontrollable part of
consciousness. Furthermore, this physical existence of human beings is also an
existence that must be subject to various restrictions in order to survive and
live. I interpret Prof. Singh's poem as born out of this yearning for a divine
existence, or in other words, the entanglement and conflict between a sublime
free existence and a physical existence that is subject to various restrictions
on this planet.
His
poems were also very popular in Japanese translation, perhaps because he
skillfully expressed our human joys, sorrows, and ironies in his poems, and
they resonated with readers.
Sublime,
social, sexy, the variety of words and poetry in his poems are about us, human
existence itself.
From "The SILENCE:
A WHITE DISTRUST/ 白濁" by Ram Krishna Singh
※ In the
book, English tanka poems were translated into Japanese fixed-form ones by Rika
Inami.
I'm not alone
waking up in the grave―
angels await
my rise to
eternity
my love's union
again
墓中（おくつき）に
一人目覚めず―
御使ひが
永遠（とわ）の昇華と
再和合俟つ
light
switched off
love
sliding on
window
pane
moon
too shies away
behind
the bare tree
あかり消え
愛の喘ぎは
窓すべる
恥じらふ月は
裸木の陰
Two
years later, in June 2020, Prof. Singh asked me to translate his 96 pieces of
tanka and haiku collection again.
At
that time, he asked me not only to translate but also to publish his book. I
had been hoping to publish my book of tanka poetry for some time, and I thought
about refusing his request, but he insisted, and I finally accepted his request.
I started translating with some thoughts in my mind.
Around
the time I had roughly translated all of Prof. Ram Krishna Singh's poems, there
was a meeting of the Akita International Haiku Network. It was during the
Covid-19 epidemic, so attendance was minimal. However, I attended the meeting
and asked for advice on translating Prof. Singh's poems at the reception. Among
them, Mr. Ben Grafström, assistant professor at
Akita University, said,
"English
haiku and tanka, if they are to be translated, should be properly translated
into the Japanese fixed-form poetry. Haiku is into 5-7-5 beats, and Tanka is
into 5-7-5-7-7 beats."
For
a moment, the keen tension ran through all attendances.
"It
is challenging because English and Japanese have different linguistic
structures. Japanese fixed-form poetry, such as haiku, senryu, and tanka, is
based on moras, while English fixed-form poetry is based on syllables. Thus,
the number of tones per word in English may not match the number of tones in
Japanese, leading to an excess of mora," I frankly expressed my views.
"Yet,
it could be done; think in tones and beats, not mora. Of course, there are
cases where it just can't be done in Japanese fixed-form poetry. But it should
be done!" Mr. Grafström said.
His
firm advice prompted us to straighten up.
However,
I still had difficulty translating English fixed-form poetry into Japanese
fixed-form poetry.
-------
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Here,
I delve a little deeper into the relations between moras and syllables.
Japanese
Tanka is based on the standard form of 5-7-5-7-7, a total of 31 moras.
Japanese Haiku and Senryu are based on the
standard form of 5-7-5, a total of 17 moras.
Most words used in these poems, except for
particles and auxiliary verbs, comprise two or more moras.
Therefore, in Japanese Tanka, Haiku, and Senryu, words
with several sounds, such as independent nouns, verbs, and adjectives, are used
in numbers within the 31 or 17 moras.
On the other hand, English Tanka's syllables
are, in principle, divided into 5-7-5-7-7, a total of 31 syllables. In English
Haiku and Senryu, the number of syllables is generally limited to 5-7-5, 17
syllables.
Now, here's the problem.
There are nouns, verbs, adjectives, and other
words in English, which, when translated into Japanese, consist of two or more
moras, even if they are only one syllable.
For example, "rice ( kome 米 in Japanese)" and
"think (omou 思うor kangaeru 考えるin Japanese)" are
one syllable, but in Japanese, "ko-me" consists of two moras,
"o-mo-u" three moras and "ka-n-ga-e-ru" five moras.
This means that translating an English Tanka,
Haiku, or Senryu into Japanese, even if only one syllable, will result in
multiple moras in the Japanese kana script.
Therefore, although there may be the other way
around, the Japanese translation of an English Haiku or Tanka may present many
difficulties in fitting it into the 17 moras of a Haiku or 31 moras of a Tanka.
Navigating the differences between English syllables and Japanese moras
presents challenges in translating fixed-form poetry, as the structures and
tonal elements do not always align.
------- -----
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----- ----- -----
Even
though the translation had significant problems, Mr Ben Grafström made me
decide to translate Prof. Ramkrishna Singh's poems into Japanese fixed-form
poetry.
Fortunately,
contemporary English haiku and tanka are becoming shorter than when they were
first introduced to the West, with each syllable of a three or five-part
composition becoming shorter, such as syllable compositions, 2-3-2 or
2-3-2-3-3.
Prof.
Singh has a long history of haiku and tanka writing and has composed them not
only with the initial syllable structures but also with shorter syllables. It
also helped a notch when Mr Grafström said, "There are cases where it just can't be done in Japanese fixed-form poetry."
In today's fast-paced world, new words are being created every day. I decided
that the unavoidable poems were as they were and started refining the
translations.
For
20 years, I have dedicated myself to composing tanka poems in the literary
style as opposed to the modern Japanese style. The literary style closely
adheres to Japanese archaic grammar, which differs significantly from
contemporary Japanese grammar. Thanks to word conjugation and part-of-speech
forms, Japanese archaic grammar allows sentences to be put together with fewer
characters than in modern Japanese. In other words, there is an abbreviation
effect. At its origin, the fixed-form structure of haiku and tanka was based on
Japanese archaic grammar or literary style. Utilizing Japanese archaic grammar
or literary style has played a pivotal role in my translation.
Thus,
what I have completed and published, with a few exceptions, represents the
translation into Japanese fixed-form poetry: "SILENCE: A WHITE DISTRUST/ 白濁."
From
"SILENCE: A WHITE DISTRUST/ 白濁"
still
lingers
her
scent on the linens
drying
in shade
リンネルの
残り香ほのり
日陰干し
greet
the sun
on
the terrace―
two
roses
テラスにて
真日をむかふる
薔薇二輪
with
foreign sound
I
couldn't be a lasting poem―
provisional
body
nude
smell and white distrust
play
freedom in mounds of cloud
異音にて
わが詩つづかず
うつしみに
白濁かげり
雲山にわぶ
Poems
by ( C)Ram Krishna Singh, Translated by
Rika Inami
Article by All Rights Reserved ©2024 Rika Inami
See also:
https://www.linkedin.com/posts/%E9%87%8C%E4%BD%B3-%E7%A8%B2%E7%BE%8E-29861198_translation-japanesefixedformpoetry-muhngwhdfhxblsvkimeewjhhjnwngwnfvkimeegeewmgdnet-activity-7218797688165740544-J8-s?utm_source=share&utm_medium=member_android
