A critique of my haiku by Taro Hokkyo (Kobe)

 Taro Hokkyo, JAPANESE POET-TRANSLATOR COMMENTS ON MY HAIKU:

Critique : The World Excellent Haiku3

R.K.Singh,     India

knee-deep in the pond

awaits fresh catch to buy milk

for the new-born

lonely hilltop 

looking for lavity--

emerald full moon

prayer book

covering the glass--

his last drink

every home

Shiva's monastery:

cannabis

season's first rain--

still await yellowing of

mangoes on tree 

This author's work is constantly evolving. Since his current work is made of metaphors, many readers may not understand what he is talking about. I can only give my interpretation. Even if it is not the author's intention. It is natural that there are various interpretations of his works. Now, I will give an example of one of those interpretations.

1. knee-deep in the pond is a very specific expression. What does "awaits fresh catch to buy milk" mean? My interpretation is that he is waiting for his prey. He is waiting for his prey to buy milk for his newborn baby. In other words, he is waiting for a new piece of work to buy more newborn milk. He declares in the poem itself that he will wait for a new work and be reborn. I especially admire the specificity of knee-deep in the pond.

2. This is a beautiful celebration of his loneliness. It needs no particular explanation.

3. Glass-covered prayer book is the last drink for the artist, he says. It really shows his spirituality. Moreover, we seem to be able to see the images.

4. The author says that all houses breed like cannabis in Shiva's monastery. Shiva is the god of destruction and creation according to my poor knowledge. It is like the author's poem. I cannot decide whether he is speaking positively or negatively, but perhaps he is speaking positively.

5. The author is still waiting for his poem to ripen like a mango in the first rain of the season.

評論　世界の秀句3

R.K.シン  インド

池に膝まで浸かり

新鮮な獲物を待ち、

新生児用のミルクを買う

孤独な丘の頂上

潤いを求めて

エメラルドの満月

ガラスの覆う

祈祷書

最後の一杯

すべての家

シヴァの修道院、

大麻

今シーズン最初の雨

木に実ったマンゴーが

黄色くなるのをまだ待っている

--R K シン

この作者の作品は常に進化する。現在の彼の作品は隠喩で作られているので、何を言っているのか分からない読者も多いと思う。私はあくまで私の解釈を述べるしかない。もしそれが作者の意図から外れていたとしても。彼の作品には様々な解釈があって当然である。さて、私はその解釈の一例を示そう。

1. knee-deep in the pondとは、とても具体性のある表現である。しかし次に続くのはawaits fresh catch to buy milkとあり、その意味内容が一見、よく分からない。awaits fresh catch to buy milkとはどういうことなのか？私の解釈では、彼は自らの獲物を待っているのだ。そしてその獲物で自分に新生児用ミルクを買おうというのである。つまり、彼は新たな作品を待ち、さらに新生児用ミルクを買おうと言っているのである。彼は新たな作品を待ち、生まれ変わるよと、その詩自体で宣言しているのである。とくに私はknee-deep in the pondという具体性に賛辞を送りたい。

2. これは彼の孤独を美しく謳いあげた作品である。特に説明はいらない。

3. ガラスに覆われた祈祷書が作者にとっての最後の一杯だと彼は言う。彼の精神性を実によく表している。しかもその映像が見えるようだ。

4. すべての家がシヴァの修道院でcannabisのように繁殖すると作者は言う。シヴァというのは私の知っている拙い知識では破壊と創造の神である。まるで作者の詩のようである。彼が肯定的に言っているのか、否定的に言っているのか私には判断できないが、おそらく肯定的に言っているのだろう。

5. 今シーズン初めての雨に作者は自らの詩がマンゴーのように熟すのをまだ待っているのだ。

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/NNFZYaktw8ZE8H8i/?mibextid=oFDknk

My poems published in Das Literarisch, Vol.7, Issue 1, January-June 2024

 

1

 

ABRUPT NOTES

 

Intentionally layered

internally fragmented

queer antics:

 

she builds up her own

sexual toolkit to prove

how coward man is

 

she sees a rapist

in each man detests

the male smell but trusts

one night stand

with deep thrust

long erections

and climax control

for blood to soak smoothly

 

she sits shrouded

in her see-through pink gown

on the terrace

inviting autumn winds

for longer stopover

just to accuse the artist

of invading her body

 

she curses a young bull

for obstructing her way

in the street shouts at hawkers

 

and, yet another

at eighty re-imagines

fading memories

with snaky radiance

to break a new dawn

 

my friend says

the dynamics change:

there’s a before

and an after

to feel life

 

I say yes, but I’m tired

of walking and writing

what I watch

 

I’m no tout to comfort

or restore the faith

of a dwindling flock in heat

culling is convenient

 

2

 

SOLITUDE

 

Little birds

collect on the railing

seek no water or food

just talk how the day went

and fly back to their nests

 

here I am

slouch at the 6-inch screen

stay cut off from sunlight

dream fertile solitude

 

3

TANKA

 

Unquenched thirst

more and more indulgence:

momentary pleasure

she says it's enough now

rein the horse and seek the missed

 

***

 

Half-drunk women

on one side of the road

pimps on the other

ready to seize  first-timers

to the tin box by street lamps

 

***

 

Standing on a cloud

look through an open doorway:

desires awakened

before I could step inside

the door closed, I missed my chance

 

***

 

At the swimming pool

he asks if he could borrow

her underwear just

to feel her from inside

with fidgeting currents

 

***

 

Await setting of

burning sun and arrival

of night to go out

for a beer with chips

to soothe her hurt spirit

 

***

 

 

God has become

a habit in helplessness:

faith a deception

when unable to enjoy

love, life and wonders of world

 

***

 

With dumbbells in hand

he logs in YouTube to build

arm muscles and says

he's off social media

to make new relationships

 

***

 

Baffling my brain

mosquitoes find my vein

in night's darkness

they land without humming

suck blood with swollen itch

 

 

--R. K.  Singh

 

 

 

Daipayan Nair's Haiku book reviewed in MBR

 Book Review:

     Review published in Midwest Book Review: Reviewer's Bookwatch, September 2024  

https://www.midwestbookreview.com/rbw/sep_24.htm#rksingh                                                    

                            R. K. Singh's Bookshelf

 

The Ten Hands of a Fuchka Seller
Daipayan Nair
Penprints
www.penprints.in
9788197403620, (300) $35.00, PB, 80 pp. (12 years & up)

https://www.amazon.in/Ten-Hands-Fuchka-Seller/dp/8197403627

 

Haiku has been a flourishing genre of poetry writing in India. Among the several new practitioners of the Japanese art form, Daipayan Nair has established himself as a remarkable new voice. He creates truly Indian haiku rooted in where he belongs in a fluid urban space. He captures varying haiku moments from quotidian experiences , and effectively images them, underlining the native socio-cultural ethos, as part of Indian kigo with global appeal. For instance, 

"Kolkata street corner--

the ten hands 

of a fuchka seller"

bhel poori

this misunderstanding 

between us

skipping across

the rain-washed terrace

her alta feet

evening adda 

I sip the first line

of her recital

Bhetki Fry

layer upon layer

of your lies

Daipayan Nair explores the complexities of living 'Here and Now' and draws the inner nature in outer events:

graffiti art--

an old beggar pees

on revolution

red blouse

a safety pin between

her lips

returning home

on a hand-pulled rickshaw

school song

scattered fishbones...

a young waiter gathers

his thoughts

a jute bag

filled with cauliflowers

uncle's greetings

raining petals...

the street sweeper stretches

her spine

Indian vision and imagination predominates the poet's perception, just as his charm lies not in using any verbal or rhetorical trick to create his three-liners but to simply express the ordinary and relatable in truly haiku spirit. His  aesthetically pleasant book testifies to the poet's oneness with haikuists elsewhere,  irrespective of what he shares as senryu, which is his forte. Highly recommended.

Editorial Note #1: Daipayan Nair (https://hellopoetry.com/daipayan-nair/) is freelance writer/columnist, poet, fiction writer and essayist. His works have been published in a lot of anthologies and poetry journals like The Poetry Breakfast, The Galway Review, Tuck Magazine, 1947 Literary Journal,

Editorial Note #2: Dr. R. K. Singh is a retired Professor of English at the Indian Institute of Technology, Dhanbad, India. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ram_Krishna_Singh)

Dr. R. K. Singh, Reviewer
rksinghpoet.blogspot.com
Retired Professor of English, Indian Institute of Technology - ISM